I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
