I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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