I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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