Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
