The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
