U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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