The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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