a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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