Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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