i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
