Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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