What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
