I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
