Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
