And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
