ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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