remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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