Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish you could order shots online.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
