Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
