I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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