dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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