i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
my poor anus
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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