I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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