I don't remember. Are we still dating?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
