I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
