Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
