I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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