you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
