I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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