I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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