if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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