im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize