its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
