if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
