It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
