I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
