matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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