Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
