her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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