i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
