I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
