The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
