Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
