New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
