I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
