we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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