Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
