WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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