I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
