I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
