she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
