Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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