im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
