Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
