I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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