On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
