I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
