you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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