that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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