she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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