dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
