I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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