The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
