Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
