if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
