he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
