I look better un-naked...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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