You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
