So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
