i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I understand Curling. That high.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
